Having a mother that doesn’t recognise your emotional needs is hard, it’s like a part of you doesn’t exist or that what you do is more important than who you are.
As a kid you just want to be loved, seen and heard. When we are validated by our mothers we feel whole, worthy and emotionally wealthy. When this doesn’t happen it leads to a feeling of emptiness, a loss of confidence, negative self-beliefs and often a need to people please.
So how might this manifest in you, have you ever felt?
- You need to tend to your mother’s emotional needs, protect her or walk on eggshells around her.
- That you people please so others like you, and don’t criticise.
- You avoid conflicts and arguments.
- You take on too much responsibility, often for things you can’t control, like others feelings.
- You over-deliver at work, or as a volunteer but receive little praise.
- You feel like an imposter, that you are not good enough for your job/partner/life and that soon someone will figure this out.
- It’s hard to receive praise or compliments but when you do they feel hollow and can never seem to fill you up.
- You have little self-esteem or confidence.
- You feel like somehow this is all your fault, and there’s something unlovable about you.
As children we look to our mothers to help guide the way, to compensate for our lack of experience when this guidance is missing, we fill in the blanks for ourselves. We assume it’s on us, we are left because we are not enough, and we carry this feeling with us into our adult lives.
This is The Mother Wound.
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