Lately I have a lot of clients who are experiencing maternal narcissism, or what we colloquially call The Mother Wound. Many of them didn’t even realise that the issues they have in the present, like feeling empty or hollow despite achieving so much, or relationship issues with their spouse, or their fear of turning into their mother or their need to be around authentic, real people stem from their relationship with their mother.
I decided to write about it here to help you identify if this is the kind of relationship you have with your mother and to point you in the right direction if you’d like to explore it further. So let’s dig into The Mother Wound and think about what it is.
Essentially, maternal narcissism is where a mother is so caught up in her own stuff, her parenting lacks empathy or care for the emotional needs of her children. Whilst emotionally neglecting, she may meet your other physical needs. It’s important to be aware that this narcissism and lack of parental care exists on a scale, from the mild to the emotionally and physically abusive. Mothers may act this way due to mental health issues, Mother Wounds of their own, bereavement and lack of support.
So what are the signs you suffering with a Mother Wound?
- You try to win your mother’s love and attention, but you are never good enough.
- Your mother values what you do above who you are or how you feel.
- How good your family looks on the outside doesn’t show how messed up things are on the inside.
- However much you achieve is never enough.
- It’s always about your mother and you have to tend to her emotional needs or walk on eggshells around her.
- You feel constantly criticised.
- There are no boundaries with your mother, it’s hard to separate from her.
- You want to be around authentic people who don’t pretend.
If you are experiencing any of these, it is likely maternal narcissism affects you. The best course of action is to see a registered therapist who specialises in The Mother Wound like me.
They can help you to untangle the web, stopping it being passed down to your own children or affecting your romantic relationships, and help you to rebuild your self-esteem, manage your relationship with your mother and build and maintain critical boundaries so that you can recover.
If you’d like to get in touch to discuss it further I offer a range of therapeutic solutions that can help you. Just click the Contact Me button below.
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