As Fathers Day is this coming Sunday (the 21st), I thought it would be a good time to have a look at men’s mental health and the challenges they face in admitting the need for help, accessing help and accepting help. For instance: Did you know 1 in 8 men experience a common mental health problem (1)? Or that many men don’t seek help or talk with their loved ones about how they are feeling (2)?
In my own research I have heard repeatedly that admitting you even have a mental health problem is hard, because of societal and cultural expectations. There is traditional view of masculinity that perpetuates the values of strength, control, being a support, a breadwinner; that a boy or young man learns to live up to. we’ve all heard phrases like ‘What are you crying for, you big girls blouse?’ ‘Man up!’ ‘Suck it up cupcake’ and others. These verbal cues teach the idea that expressing your feelings, thoughts and pain are not manly and therfore are unacceptable. We’d like to think they aren’t still with us, but the research shows, they stop men even admitting to themselves they have a problem.
Accessing help has pitfalls too. If you struggle to admit something by the time you ask for help a moderate problem could have easily become severe. This can mean by the time men access help they are more likely to use alcohol, drugs and self-harm as a coping mechanism (3). Mental health services are typically oversubscribed and have long waiting lists, with the delay in putting yourself forward added, men can feel quite desperate and resentful when help eventually comes. It is no surprise that in 2017, 75% of suicides were males (4) and that suicide represents the largest cause of death for men under 50 (5).
Accepting help can be hard too, in my experience not only have men had a long journey to get help, once they do, knowing how to use it is hard. If you have never discussed your feelings before you may have to learn a whole new emotional language to articulate what’s going on inside of you. A major cause of men dropping out of therapy is not feeling understood or feeling judged.
So how can we help?
- As parents we can help equip our boys and young men with the language and space to be able to discuss their feelings and to be heard.
- We can ask our friends and colleagues how they are and after the usual ‘I’m fine’ ask how they really are.
- If you notice a friend ‘drowning their sorrows’ make some time to talk with them.
- If you seek professional help, know that a good therapist will help you to find the words to describe what you are feeling, and will not be judgemental.
Support is out there, and private therapy can help you to be seen sooner, and to work with someone you feel comfortable with. Many therapists, like me, offer a free first session to discuss what’s going on for you and to see if you feel comfortable working together. If you’d like to try it for yourself click the button below and book an appointment, or keep in touch by signing up for our bulletin.
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(1) McManus S, Bebbington P, Jenkins R, Brugha T. (eds.) (2016) Mental health and wellbeing in England: Adult Psychiatric Morbidity Survey 2014. Leeds: NHS Digital. Available at: http://content.digital.nhs.uk/catalogue/PUB21748/apms-2014-full-rpt.pdf
(2) Mental Health Foundation (2016). Survey of people with lived experience of mental health problems reveals men less likely to seek medical support. Available from: https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/news/survey-people-lived-experience-ment…
(3) Wylie, C., Platt, S., Brownlie, J., Chandler, A., Connolly, S., Evans, R… Scourfield, J. (2012). Men, suicide, and society: Why disadvantaged men in mid-life die by suicide. Samaritans. Retrieved from: https://www.samaritans.org/sites/default/files/kcfinder/files/press/Men%…
(4) Office for National Statistics (2017). Suicides in the UK: 2016 registrations. Available at https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/deaths/bulletins/suicidesintheunitedkingdom/2017registrations#suicides-in-the-uk
(5) Public Health England. (2017). Chapter 2: Major causes of death and how they have changed. Health Profile for England 2017. Retrieved from: https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/health-profile-for-england/ch…